Hide and Seek.

"the dust has only just begun to fall, crop circles in the carpet, sinking feeling."


Hmm, why do I feel myself falling back into old habits. And when I say old habits I mean him. The one I can't let go. I am giving everything I have to someone who doesn't see me anymore than a good ole chum. I love him, and he loves me.

But not in the same intensity.


So that leaves me feeling the loneliness I always endure.

I have a hole inside me that needs patching up, and I'm a liar if I say I don't.


I have adventure on my sleeve and I'm looking for company.




I don't know if I can move on from this disfunctional friendship that I want to be so much more. If worse comes to worse then I'll just have to take drastic measures. I can't fathom what those options are at this moment. But I'll know soon enough.

Pinapple Express.

So here is the pointless light hearted post you've been asking for. Lol. Even though you haven't been asking.

I watched Pinapple Express tonight at Sam's casa. It was a good time.

Who doesn't love stoner movies.

Woop.

Sleeping Lessons.

"I've got nothing left on which I depend."




I'm not starting over because I want to, but because I have to. For my own sanity of course. Things will get better. Time heals all.


You know, that old hat.

But it's more complex than time itself. It's self-healing. You have to want to get better and change. And I do. I'm not sure if I'm talking in circles, which I usually do when I'm stumped on how to get the words out correctly. So try to stay with me here.


I originally got the appreciation I deserved in the beginning. Much too early if you ask me. I hadn't been where I am now as an artist. But now that I'm much more advanced I'm getting less and less appreciation. I am not getting the praise or attention that I truly deserve. And I know I try much harder than the rest in my class. For the approval. Am I going blind and not seeing what everyone else is seeing, that I've truly lost what I had before. Or am I not being seen... Have they gone blind?

Honorable Mention isn't worth anything in my world.


I'm not going to lie when I admit I am a sore loser. But I know that I'm better than most. And if no one has that kind of confidence in me then why shouldn't I have this confidence in me?

Question after question. It's the blind leading the blind.



Don't worry, someday I will have a post a little more light-hearted.

Full Moon.

I wish that I had been born somewhere else.
Because luckily then I might've been a completely different person.

I'm not implying that I hate who I am and the person I'm becoming. I just feel like where I am holds back options of being different.


I'm also just some kid in the Midwest and I'm trying to make this life as bearable as possible.


Though getting away from this reality isn't too hard. Just pop in a good film in the vcr. Or go to a live show of music you've never listened to. Read a book you hate to admit is totally worth it. I know those don't seem like alot of options. Exspecially options that seem worth the time. But they are to me. I like it simple yet complicated. What an oxymoron, but still it works for me personally.





"I am going out to see what i can sow,
And i don't know where I'll go,
But i don't know what I'll see,
But I'll try not to bring it back home with me."

Eyes On Fire.

Where to start....

A "recluse" is what they call me. You would think comments like that would bother me, but it comes off more as a compliment. I've trained myself to adapt to being alone for long periods of time. Now you think also, "why that is a sad way to live life", but its not. The people who fall hard usually are tortured by this lonliness. Yet I just sit back and relax.

I AM human. But I'm just better prepared.




"Practice makes perfect."

I've had close relationships with others. But it's hard to say which ones were really worth it in the long run. And which ones are sincere. I try not to depend on these "graceful beings" as I would call them. Because they think their shit don't stink. And I see those "beings" fall long and hard into a painful abyss. I don't want to be featured as the latest kill like one of them. I'm not feature material. I'm the "recluse" remember?



But since I am still human I do get caught up in the usual. Emotions mostly. My favorites have to be calm, passionate, tired, lonesome, enthusiastic, quirky, depressed.

These favor to me because they are me.
I hate to say I'm anything but myself, but it's like a compilation.

A little bit of everything to make something as good as me.


Who would of guessed its as easy as a recipe.

A quart of dry humor,
2 cups of adoration,
1 tsp of charm,
3 dashes of intellegence,
and coat it with a smile.

Does that sound about right?