If you haven't already guessed, I like to contradict myself.

Teen Angst.

I know I don't follow through with most things. Probably because they are out of character for me. I want to stay true to myself. I can't sink to the lowest of the lows. I have to hold my ground. I want to be respected. I want people to believe in me. Doesn't everybody want that at some point in their life? I'm still young though. I should make the best of what time I have left in my teen years. I shouldn't be forced to grow up so fast. Not when there are eligible parents on hand. Mother doesn't always know best.

Wild Young Hearts.

I'm doing things out the ordinary. Life comes at me fast.
I'm hoping to move on from this part of my life.
I need to grow up. I know it. You know it. They know it.

I wish I had more to say.


Damn these wild young hearts.

Sleepyhead.

christmas in palermo

Hey You Guys!

I wish I would've done more today. But it was just a typical lazy Sunday. Which seems like every day is a lazy Sunday to me. Ugh. Today consisted of me arguing with my 8 year old brother that we don't own Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on DVD. Holy Jesus, when that kid sticks to his own he does it with an attitude. So it wasn't that I didn't want to argue with him or be bothered. True of the fact is "WE DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER 4 ON DVD." lol. It's sad that was the highlight of my day. But that's cabin fever for you. I've been stuck in my house since last Wednesday. That's a long time being around family. Especially mine. A attention driven father. Bossy attitude ridden mother. Teenage brother going through puberty. Kid brother with body issues. A full house. Then add 2 dogs and 2 cats. 1 hamster and 1 turtle. UGH! No wonder I stay in my room all the time. I can't explain how much I enjoy alone time. I wish today's post was more of a read but I have really nothing to say I guess. Once I get in the habit of writing everyday my posts will get better. Thanks for reading anyway and humoring me. Now back to watching The Goonies.

Thank You.

Don't you love to reminisce about vital recollections that shaped who you are today? I think of the ones that might not have mattered at all. The little things. Those are the ones that make me crack a smile. There is this one memory I have. It may seem a bigger deal to you but to me it's just a small stepping stone. It's Summer 2008. I tried shrooms for the first time with two close friends. I can't even explain to you how miraculous I felt. It was like the best of me amplified. Just forget the fact I was freaking out about the Silent Hill poster in the hallway. My eyes reached new lengths of dilation. I was easily trapped underneath blankets. I found new meanings to a deck of cards. Though it may sound outlandish, and it was, it was uplifting. Nothing else mattered. It was just me. Forget accepting Jesus in your heart to be born again. This experience was me being born again. I listened to Led Zeppelin for the first time. I seriously listened. I have never felt such bliss. It was beautiful. I was trapped in lyrics and I didn't want to leave. It may have been a fixed and false sense of happiness. I mean, I was on shrooms for goodness sakes. I hope I never forget that summer night trying to swim through a patch of dew ridden grass. It was the first and hopefully not the last time I'm born again.

Don't Tell Me To Do The Math.

2009 was a strange yet satisfying year. Heartbreaks and Friendships Lost. Just about everything happened in 2009. Lies and unwanted truths. You'd think it was unbearable. But I stopped existing and started living.

To live is to feel. I promise you I felt every emotion there was. Love. Hate. Apathetic. Lonely. Excited. Nervous. But I started my year off with obsession. It's hard to love someone who doesn't return the same feelings. Obsession led to depression. Isn't it convenient that those words have similar spelling? They are all in a league of their own. I tried to change. Not an easy task at all. I wanted help but didn't accept it. I wanted happiness yet couldn't find it. I substituted that empty feeling being promiscuous. A few drinks here and there. Smoking any time I felt any stress. The problem was I didn't know what I wanted. It was hard. 2009 was a year of loss. My grandmother was the first to go and I sure do miss her so. She was the light of my life. I tried to keep that light from going out. Let's say it was pretty dim for awhile. I had friendships come and go and come and go again. It's hard on someone who is dependable on others. I had to learn to love myself and to be able to depend on only me. That's the only way I'm going to make it. As the year ended I found out what I wanted in myself now if only I can make it happen. I know that life comes at you fast and I want to be prepared. It's about time if I may say so myself.