Don't Tell Me To Do The Math.

2009 was a strange yet satisfying year. Heartbreaks and Friendships Lost. Just about everything happened in 2009. Lies and unwanted truths. You'd think it was unbearable. But I stopped existing and started living.

To live is to feel. I promise you I felt every emotion there was. Love. Hate. Apathetic. Lonely. Excited. Nervous. But I started my year off with obsession. It's hard to love someone who doesn't return the same feelings. Obsession led to depression. Isn't it convenient that those words have similar spelling? They are all in a league of their own. I tried to change. Not an easy task at all. I wanted help but didn't accept it. I wanted happiness yet couldn't find it. I substituted that empty feeling being promiscuous. A few drinks here and there. Smoking any time I felt any stress. The problem was I didn't know what I wanted. It was hard. 2009 was a year of loss. My grandmother was the first to go and I sure do miss her so. She was the light of my life. I tried to keep that light from going out. Let's say it was pretty dim for awhile. I had friendships come and go and come and go again. It's hard on someone who is dependable on others. I had to learn to love myself and to be able to depend on only me. That's the only way I'm going to make it. As the year ended I found out what I wanted in myself now if only I can make it happen. I know that life comes at you fast and I want to be prepared. It's about time if I may say so myself.